FEBRUARY 9th 2011
70,000 TONS OF METAL CRUISE 2012
Cruise Report By: Anka On a lighter note, this year’s 70,000 Tons of Metal set sail in the port of Miami and travelled to George Town, Cayman Islands and back. There were 42 bands and 2,000 metal heads from 55 countries on board, this was about to become one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I was a 70,000 Tons virgin, little did I know… Our Vancouver group met in Miami a day prior to sailing. Excitement built as we attended the Metal Cruise Of Heaviness Pre-Apocalyptic Party at Grand Central where we rocked out to 6 local metal bands and met fellow cruisers. The next morning, with giggles and enthusiasm at seeing the running order for the first time, we embarked aboard the Majesty of the Seas, probably the ‘most metal’ boat in the world. Why is this floating heavy metal paradise so special? It’s a festival where you can rub elbows with musicians on a cruise ship; you get to see bands of various metal genres playing in fancy theatres and on the pool deck; it’s a metal festival where you have your own comfortable room away from the noise but so close to the live site, plus unlimited food with healthy options; it's in a place where it's always warm and you get to head bang in a hot tub while seeing a Dark Funeral show. Then, after two days of cruising, you wake up in some exotic location and yes, in case you were wondering, there is a spa on board. This year’s line-up was diverse and brought together genres like thrash, doom, folk, death, black, power, symphonic, and industrial metal. Before I offer the daily highlights, I have to mention it is almost impossible to attend all shows. Each band plays twice and the 3 stages host shows simultaneously from 10 am to 4 am. I tried to make it to see as many as possible, but for a few personal favourites I had to drop everything and see their shows both times; as expected, making it to the morning shows for a couple obvious reasons, was problematic for everyone. Day 1: Alestorm opened in the club-like and not so crowd-friendly Spectrum Lounge; always funny these guys - I guess the song ‘Shipwrecked’ had to be on the set list! Before this show ended, we ran to see Grave Digger starting their set in the spacious Chorus Line Theatre. Sadly, the outdoor stage wasn’t set up in time, Overkill was rescheduled and the ones to inaugurate the shows on the pool deck later were the mighty Cannibal Corpse. They brought a dose of brutality that was needed on the party boat, and I can say this was one of the best Cannibal Corpse shows I’ve seen, or maybe it was just the surreal setting that made it so special. The Finns from Moonsorrow had the misfortune of being one of the few bands to play both shows in the small Spectrum Lounge, but their first show still sounded good and got the crowd moving. Candlemass offered one of the best gigs of the festival on the pool deck stage during the first night. I must say, it’s quite a unique experience to head bang to Candlemass in the ocean breeze, somehow it’s effortless! The ones to end the night on the pool deck around 3 am were the guys from Eluveitie – circle pit was a success, the wall of death, not so much.
’If you’re going to hell…KEEP GOING!’ screams the random metal head in the elevator lobby of the righteous cruise ship that is… 70,000 TONS OF METAL 2012 !!!!
After hearing many words of wisdom like these, I thought it would be easier to describe my experience at the ‘World's Biggest Floating Heavy Metal Festival’, but it turns out it’s not easy at all. On top of that, like most of my fellow cruisers, I now have to battle post-cruise depression.
Day 2: Suffocation‘s first set of the festival was one of the highlights of Day 2 and one good lesson about moshpits for me, nevertheless I enjoyed it very much. While the Moonlight Dining Room hosted the merch store and band signing sessions, the heavy metal monsters Exciter, Atheist, Tankard, Pretty Maids, and the oriental metal Orphaned Land played excellent afternoon sets at different venues on the ship. Later that evening, Stratovarius, Therion, Annihilator and Children of Bodom pulled large crowds at their shows. Without a doubt, Annihilator was one of the most popular bands on this cruise, and I am happy to have seen both sets. Great energy and a set list with a few tracks off their latest release and lots of classics from their first three albums. That being said, I never thought I’d get to see Annihilator, especially for the first time in the middle of the Caribbean Sea, infact, TWICE!
For those who were still awake, Pestilence, My Dying Bride and Dark Funeral (with enhanced visual effects, courtesy of the strong winds) offered some of the most interesting performances of the festival. The night’s shows ended at 4:30 am with Crowbar, who were in great shape given the time of the day; the less numerous crowd enjoyed their set and then moved on to ... Karaoke!
Every year, someone has to be unofficially crowned king or queen of karaoke. This time, and most would agree with me, the title goes to Frank Mullen from Suffocation A.K.A- Frank the Tank. I will not insist, you can search for the videos on youtube!
Day 3: The trip to George Town on Grand Cayman was a short break we all took to enjoy the white sand and the sound of the sea for a change. Just picture a horde of 2,000 metal heads invading the peaceful, rustic George Town. A first for me, I never thought I’d ever ask the question ‘are you going to Hell?’ but ‘Hell’ - the black rock formation- was a popular tourist attraction for many while visiting the island.
Back on the ship, the captain was really glad to inform us that we all made it on board… and the shows resumed in the evening with good thrash and a huge appetite for more metal!
It was probably my favourite night of all. Most of the bands were playing their second sets that evening, but Overkill got to finally play their first and long awaited show on the cruise. Yet again the pool deck hosted large crowds for the evening shows of Nightwish, Kataklysm, and Annihilator. For those who never imagined seeing one of My Dying Bride’s show on a cruise ship by the pool, myself included, this night was probably a unique one. Even the vocalist Aaron Stainthorpe was aware of the unusual setting for their show, and he hoped we’d get back to being happy after their set. But everyone had a great time regardless. The second sets from Moonsorrow and Samael were better than I could have ever hoped for – I heard a lot of ‘Passage’, one of the Samael classics, and a couple of beautiful lengthy tracks from the new Moonsorrow album.
Day 4: On this beautiful day when everyone’s voice sounded more like Corpsegrinder, we had the chance to see a belly flop contest (auch!) and then guitar clinics. One of the shows I enjoyed was Therion’s set, with the current line-up, Therion somehow found a more dynamic formula that keeps the crowd very involved throughout the performance. Grave Digger, Coroner and In Extremo played great shows on the pool deck later that night. Watching the crowd from my favourite spot above the stage, my general impression was that everyone on the ship seemed to live this last night to the maximum.
The second set from Amorphis was probably one of the most special performances I’ve ever seen. With guest Marco Hietala on a couple of songs, they played a perfectly balanced set list with old, new and crowd-pleasing tracks.
Missing the first set of Venom’s performance, getting a chance to meet fellow metal heads from around the globe, I did however catch the full second set of Venom. It was an honour to see the legends at work, for the first time ever. The set ended a bit abruptly because of a problem with the stage roof and that got us wondering, was that because of the wind or because of Venom rocking too hard? Next time you see them, you be the judge.
Overkill took over and delivered another great performance in the Chorus Line Theatre for about an hour, heating up the crowd with a few tracks from their early masterpiece albums. The ones to end the night and the entire series of shows were God Dethroned, playing their last show ever. I regret missing it but for others like me and for those interested, there is an entire fan recording of the show on youtube.
70,000 tons of beer later, whoever was at Karaoke had the unique opportunity to see musicians like Jeff Waters of Annihilator and Alexi Laiho of Children of Bodom singing ‘Turbo Lover’. Not bad, but we missed Frank!
Many tried to stay awake for the early arrival in the port of Miami. Some made it with the help of Karaoke tunes and countless buckets of beer, some didn’t – myself included, cowardly surrendered at dawn. Getting off the ship early in the morning was a long trail of tears for most metal heads. We tried to heal the cruise blues with two nights of post-parties on the land, in South Beach.
I know it's probably hard to picture many of the details and the frenzy but that's why you have to be there to experience it. It’s not exactly a typical metal environment, metal heads in the pool, head banging and enjoying bucket loads of beer or exotic cocktails; sun, ocean breeze; high fives; chocolate mousse; happy and interesting people, photos and hugs(!) with strangers; and best of all, some karaoke performances that make you laugh hysterically. The entire crew joined the party and spoiled us so that we had nothing to worry about except ‘which show do I make it to next?’ or ‘when can I get a nap?’.
Yes, it was not exactly a trip to hell, but to metal heaven. And we were all kicked out of metal heaven by captain Per Arne Kjonso's voice at 9am on Friday morning: ‘Ladies and gentleman, have a ....wonderful future’. It will be wonderful captain, when we return next year!